Yesterday I was looking through some old files on my computer and I came across this journal entry from October 2010. It was soon after I started pursuing photography, and knew I wanted to become a wedding photographer. I had absolutely no idea how I was going to accomplish it – but I desperately, with all my heart, wanted to get where I wanted to go.
Sometimes I get so discouraged to a point where I no longer rationalize things. I get so emotional that I don’t even want to be around myself. Everything gets blown out of proportion. And a logical conversation? Forget it. Trusting God is hard. Waiting is even harder.
I’m at a point where I’m in waiting. I haven’t really accomplished anything yet. I’m still working towards goals and quite honestly, I feel like a dog on a treadmill running for a treat but never getting any closer. People tell me I need to be content where I’m at. I know God wants me just to relax and enjoy today, but that is so hard for me. I have so many dreams that I want to achieve so bad it hurts.
So for now I will focus on how far I’ve come already. And keep praying that I’ll get somewhere. And I’m pretty sure I need a sign in my house that says, “Lord, I need patience, and I need it now!”
Looking back, I feel a little silly because, here in 2013, I am a wedding photographer, and I now have even higher dreams and goals that I’m striving for. But little did I know, back in October 2010, later that year a photographer would give me the opportunity to tag along to my first wedding behind the camera, and that in 2011 I would second shoot over a dozen weddings and shoot my first wedding as the main photographer.
And yet, I feel like these words could have been written last week. But I know that all of the hard work I’m putting in now will eventually pay off – and hopefully a couple years from now I’ll be able to look back at this post and smile because I’ll be where I wanted to be. And then I’ll keep moving forward.
Fight the good fight. Never give up.